Mind the gap

Greg Wyatt • May 24, 2024

If we are so fortunate we will at some point experience grief.

Because you don’t experience grief if you haven’t lost something treasured.


I was first aware of grief as a process when my Dad died in 2013.

I said to my wife the other day, ‘I can’t believe this was a quarter of my life ago’.

I was very lucky in our relationship - the love of a son for his father, our friendship, and the mutual respect of our professional lives.

And when he died, after a long, painful illness, full of emergencies, I went through the full cycle of emotions you’d expect - sadness, anger, regret, and even relief that my own burden was over.

But at the same time, I found myself sitting with my emotions, recognising that they were a consequence of what had happened to us and that each instance wasn’t singular, but was part of a tableau of emotions in the journey of our relationship.

It was a weird thing to marvel at while going through a profound time.

If you’ve ever experienced grief, have you gone through the same process of emotions?


I found this happening again in 2020, during the early part of the pandemic, something I’d speculated might happen with Dad, way back when.

Although we thought it would be Ebola. We also talked about the advent of AI, World War 3 as a set of proxy wars, climate change, and the inevitable cycles of civilisation.

What a time to be alive!

To experience these things, and recognise how we react to these stimuli, well it’s pretty much AIDA, isn’t it?


A couple of weeks back I ran an advert for what proved a common skill role - it might have been uncommon a couple of years back, but now there are many great candidates.

450 applications, 85 of whom were viable candidates on paper.

I emailed each of the 85 basic questions, confirming salary expectations, that they were happy with the working arrangements, etc.

This reduced the pile to around half - despite the advert stating the salary clearly, many were waaay above budget, which ruled them out; same with location and their requirements.

The remaining half was halved again because despite responding to my first question, they didn’t reply to phone calls and emails to discuss further. Who knows why - maybe they changed their minds, maybe they got another job, maybe they just didn’t want to talk.

What was notable though, was that two of the candidates were responsive in the right way. Timely, showing relevant interest, and asking great questions.

These alone didn’t make them suitable candidates, yet my experience of them made me want to reciprocate their care.

I found myself sitting with that notion.

Why exactly did this prompt my intrinsic response?

  • a move from transactional to the start of a relationship

  • an emotional reaction to how they contacted me

  • recognition that they would take this approach forward with the employer

Probably more that I hadn't identified.

The process I carried out was fair and effective, although I made a few mistakes due to the volume. The feedback from the client was excellent too.

From one vacancy, they’ve offered two candidates who have both accepted.

Can you guess which two it was?


Their behaviour and attitude were consistent with how they represented themselves in their CV and in person.

A sign of ‘how you do anything may be how you do everything’.


The flipside of the relationship they built with me and the employer in this process, is the relationship we built with them.

A relationship you can see through their unconscious feedback, their responsiveness and the words they choose to use.

Would they have behaved in this way had the experience I gave them been different?

It’s no coincidence that they commented on the ‘human’ nature of my advert, my responsiveness and the care I took.

Instances I’ve learnt to provide throughout my career, because of the impact I know it has, and because it’s a natural part of my personality and aspirations.

These are things I do because I know that candidates don’t respond to situations in an instant, they do so as a tableau of their emotions in the journey of their career.


In this same process, the opposite happened too, from my post on LinkedIn, with examples of how wider bad experiences intersected with mistakes I made.


For people who’ve had a very challenging job search, reflective of many of the 450 applicants for this seemingly common skills role, what experiences have they had that shape their behaviour and decisions?

How can we stand out, so that the inertia of their experiences doesn’t interact with our actions in the wrong way?

What are we doing to stop ideal candidates from expressing interest in roles that are ideal for them?

It all comes back to their experiences and emotions.

Recognising that what we experience of candidates isn’t the whole story, is a step towards creating better experiences for them while serving our recruitment goals.

Whether it’s more accurate job descriptions, transparent processes, showing what’s in it for them, being responsive to their needs, creating a safe place to ask for help, or all these other steps we have control over that can make a difference.

But to see these benefits that make it easier to recruit, you have to cross the gap between our own needs (inside out) to placing their needs first (outside in).

By being mindful of what a candidate might go through, feel and experience in our recruitment processes, we can deliver a better process.

Thanks for reading.

Regards,

Greg

p.s. I’m waiting for formal signoff on a senior sales role in the next couple of days, but other than that I’ve filled all my vacancies. Let me know if you need any help filling your vacancies (I’m a bit needy, mind) or improving how you recruit.

By Greg Wyatt August 18, 2026
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By Greg Wyatt August 11, 2026
What follows is Chapter 49 in A Career Breakdown Kit (Summer 2026) . It's like many other chapters in that I've tried to make it stand alone, yet it's deeply connected to the rest of the book. For example, if you accept your job search is equivalent to launching a product to market - where you are the product and your next employer the buyer - then a sensible strategy is also equivalent. You execute an appropriate multichannel sales and marketing plan, where you focus on the steps in your control, with considered action and follow up. An interview process is an ongoing negotiation, with each interview equivalent to a consultative sales meeting. And like any good sales professional, you know that the steps preceding, the steps in-between, and the steps after all have a part to play. In my last three offers these have all been contributing factors: The relationship nurtured by the hiring manager led to their new employee hitting the ground running The private information withheld by the candidate that led to an offer rescinded because she could never have fulfilled the role in the first place The enthusiasm shown by a candidate in post interview communications tipped a decision in their favour Recruitment is risk, filled with bias - that doesn't mean you can't make that work for you. 49 - After the interview In a tough job search, getting to an interview can feel a real achievement. If you’ve been accountable in your applications, only going for roles where you are a strong fit, these are tangible opportunities to secure employment. The interview itself isn’t the be-all and end-all. It’s better to see them as the start of a conversation, one that’s only complete when you either have an acceptable employment contract in your hand, or if it’s an unequivocal no. Continuing this conversation in the right way, and in ways other candidates may not think to, can bring hoped for and unexpected gains. A few weeks back I filled a vacancy which had a strong shortlist. The final three were all employable, and the company would have taken all three had they been able to. The second choice candidate was disappointed and took it well, responding professionally. I worked hard to give all three a good experience with regular updates and constructive feedback. I too was genuinely disappointed for the ‘unsuccessful’ candidates. Two weeks after accepting the offer and returning the signed contract, the first-choice candidate withdrew. She’d received a significantly improved offer having been headhunted. Within two hours of passing the news on to the hiring team, the 2nd choice candidate was offered the role and accepted. How she had responded to her initial disappointment was a key element in this offer being put forward. The same was true of her experience with us in her decision to accept the offer. In many ways an interview is like a sales meeting. One party pitches their offering which might be customised against the questions asked. The other party makes a decision on whether and how to proceed. In an interview both the candidate and employer act as both seller and buyer. As a job seeker you get the final say on whether you say yes, no or something in between. Your decision is influenced by factors you may not divulge to the employer, such as an unexpected intervention (illness, accident, family), personal circumstances or other offers that may come up. It’s the same for the employer. They may have a hierarchy of decision-making, changes in the business and changes outside of the business - many things that can influence an interview decision or time frame, different from what was initially agreed. In sales we know that a deal isn’t agreed upon until the invoice is paid. Even if there is an initial ‘yes’ in a meeting we follow up suitably. Follow-up email to confirm details of the conversation and next steps. Thank you for your time Follow up at the appropriate time to check progress If it’s ‘no right now’, follow up over time to build a relationship until they are ready to buy If it’s ‘no answer’, find appropriate reasons to follow up, ending in a breakup email What this actually looks relates to what their sales (hiring) process is, playing to their rules and breaking those same rules in an appropriate way. In the UK, 61% of private sector employers are SMEs, whereas the vast majority of money is in the corporate space. The differentiator in recruitment is that the more corporate you get, the more transactional and matrix-led recruitment often becomes. Some of the rules of the game will be different. This illustrates how and why things are different depending on the context. Public sector, charities, geography, bias, habit, strategy - these all affect the rules of what appear similar processes from the outside. It’s important not to be cynical or come across as coercive. Respect the process and any rules you learn about. Thank you notes Most of the employers I partner with are interested in candidate feedback and interest post-interview - to help them reach their decision for the right reason. Were you applying directly, their interest in your view would be the same. A naturally written thank you note sent appropriately should not work against you. It might work for you and it’s a situation where someone’s bias can be a benefit. ‘Dear Greg, I wanted to thank you for your time today and the opportunity to interview at ABC Corp. It was a pleasure to meet you and Gary and helpful to understand more about your role and environment. I remain keen and would be delighted to return for the next stage. You mentioned you’ll make a decision by the end of next week and I look forward to hearing from you. Do let me know if I can help with anything - my number is …. Kind regards,’ It’s an opportunity to build on or mitigate inconclusive points in an interview if there’s an example you neglected to share or if you didn’t convey information in the right way. Maybe they let slip they’d be concerned if the role would keep your interest in the long term - why not own this? ‘During the interview you asked if I could see myself in this role long-term. It’s a role I’d enjoy - taking on a hands-on role I can get stuck into is an exciting challenge, while my experience in xxx would be beneficial for yyy.’ Keep it more succinct than my email though. Write it in your own words in a similar tone to how you came across in the interview. Will it make a difference? Only marginally, in some situations. Is it worth doing as a natural way to continue the conversation? I think so. Don’t be disheartened if you don’t get a reply - they may have a policy to follow. And to that coercive point above don’t say ‘I’m the best candidate. You’d be a fool to miss out,’ or something more subtle that might suggest the same. Additional interviews In an ideal world you’d get a full view of the interview process before the interview. Unfortunately some employers enjoy playing a game of interview chicken, revealing more and more interview stages as you go through them. Most are somewhere in between. Try to establish the full process as early as possible in case there is anything that is non-negotiable for you. For example, I know some people categorically do not want to do technical tests or ‘business plan’ style presentations, having had their fingers burnt in the past. It’s your choice what might be a non-negotiable - for any reasonable employer these are typically used as a means for fair assessment. Treat any interview in the same way as the first interview: prepare as fully as possible and assume nothing. Unless you know their hierarchy of decision-making, that new person you meet at fourth stage for an informal chat might well be the person with the final say. Even a social get-together after an offer is put forward might be seen as an assessment. Appropriate follow-ups It’s a careful balance. You want to show you are interested, not desperate. You need an answer, not to be inappropriately intrusive - even if that’s not your intent perception holds weight. Following up in the right way is a good tactic. If you can gain an understanding of their time frames or process work to that. Anything and everything can happen behind the scenes, including unexpected absences. Things can slip in a way employers may not see as notable. A few work days after you were expecting to hear, drop them a polite line. ‘Hi Greg, I wondered if you had any news on how you want to proceed with this role. Is there any update you can share? Kind regards,’ You can play a bit of keeping up with the Joneses if it’s true - ‘I remain interested - I do have two interviews this week with other employers. Would you like me to keep you updated?’ Sometimes no news is no news and you might need to be patient. Eventually you may come to a point where you need a decision from them - such as if your 2nd choice company gives you a job offer. A breakup email can be a good thing. Even if this doesn’t prompt an update or decision from them, you give yourself agency to walk away with no ‘what ifs?’ And if they do come back later, you can make a separate decision on whether to revisit them. One such email might be: ‘Hi Greg, I enjoyed our interview on May 21st. You mentioned you’d reach a decision the following week. Can I assume you have moved forward with another candidate? I’ll draw a line through my application for now and will be happy to pick up our conversations at a later date, if appropriate. Kind regards,’ Written appropriately, there are three outcomes: You get a reply confirming they have appointed You get no reply and can move on You get a reply with more information That last point may be ‘no news’ or something actionable. Sometimes it might even prompt good news. Whatever the outcome, you can move forward. Keeping in touch long-term Sometimes a no might be a ‘no for now’, especially when you are later on in the process, such as being pipped to the post at final interview. If yours is a business as usual role where there are a number of employees fulfilling similar duties in the same company, you may well be suitable for other roles that come up in future. How can you keep in touch appropriately so that you help their decision making when another vacancy comes up? Find reasons to occasionally keep in touch (maybe once every couple of months). If they are active on LinkedIn you could follow their content and add constructive comments. It may come to nothing but it may give you early sight of a new vacancy. If you see another vacancy advertised check it out. Drop them a line directly rather than just apply given you are continuing a conversation rather than coming in cold. And if they reply to say ‘don’t bother’, at least you know.